Dating advice is outside the scope of this site, with this article being a semi-exception. Over the years several women have written me to tell me reading this site has helped them understand the actions of a shy guy they were pursuing. With that in mind I thought I'd try to be even more helpful and write a whole article outlining what it's like to be a man who's really shy and inexperienced with women.
At the end I give a few thoughts on what to do if there's a shy guy in your life you're interested in. Combined, the points below will describe a guy who's really, really inhibited and awkward around women. Not all shy men will have issues that intense or have every characteristic apply to them. I'll list some quick suggestions at the end, but for the most part I'll describe the issues shy guys deal with and let you draw your own conclusions about how to act.
As with all the other writing on this site, the points here are from a mix of my own experience and accounts I've come across of how shy guys say they think. I also wrote a follow up to this article on some of the unique issues shy women struggle with. I'll break this down further below, but their central problem is that they're just really anxiousscared, and inhibited around women.
Almost all men get a little nervous when they have to ask a woman out, or kiss her, or even talk to her for the first time. But when a guy is really shy his nervousness is at a level where it usually prevents him from doing any of those things.
It's legitimately strong, not something where they can just take a deep breath and push through it. Sometimes this nervousness shows up as the physical symptoms of anxiety. At other times it's more of a powerful, paralyzing hesitation. Like they know how they want to act, but an invisible force field is preventing them from doing so. This could mean feeling too anxious to start a conversation with an attractive stranger they've just noticed at a party. It can also be longer term.
Some shy guys, especially younger ones, have had a crush on someone for years and years, and have never worked up the nerve to talk to her. The occasional time that someone they fancy talks to them first they often get too flustered, and the resulting brief conversation consists of some stuttered half-coherent answers on their part.
What makes a guy nervous around a girl?
That's not to say a shy guy won't sometimes be able to chat to someone he's into, but it's relatively rare. Sometimes they just won't get nervous around her for whatever mysterious reason. At other time they can force themselves to do it, but they're a total mess inside the whole time.
One problem that can plague shyer guys is that sometimes their nervousness doesn't appear when they first meet a woman, but comes back to bite them soon after. Initially they manage to come off as calm and charming and make a good impression, but then fall apart when the stakes get higher.
The reason this happens is that when they first run into that woman she's new and they haven't had time to overthink things and attach any nervous feelings to her.
They'll come away from the interaction feeling excited and optimistic about where things may lead. However now they have a reason to feel pressured and jittery around her, and that's exactly what happens. The scenario then goes in one of the following directions: He's too nervous to talk to her again He does talk to her, but is such a withdrawn, obvious wreck that she's not interested He talks to her, but is too nervous to be himself, ends up acting like a goofball, and shoots himself in the foot He's so nervous that at that immediate moment escaping the anxious symptoms takes precedence over anything else, and he acts rude or aloof toward her to purposely sabotage his chance.
This 'setting them up, but not following through' scenario can happen to different degrees. The first is when a guy simply sees a woman around a few times and makes confident eye contact with her. She seems attracted and intrigued and like she's waiting for him to approach her. He sees this, gets nervous, and never conjures up the guts to speak to her. Another variation is when a guy runs into a woman, say because he sits beside her in a lecture, chats to her for a bit, and comes off well.
She seems interested. Enter the pressure. He can't work up the nerve to talk to her another time. A third scenario might be something more drawn-out, like a guy has a few conversations with a woman he never really thought of as more than someone friendly to talk to.
He notices she seems like she's becoming attracted to him, and he blows things soon after.Perhaps you have a male colleague or a guy friend that has piqued your interest and has grabbed your attention. It can be quite a daunting process to try to read guys.
Men do not show their fondness for someone the same way women do. Women are more expressive; they show their feelings and speak their minds. So between the mixed signals, replaying interactions over and over again in your mind, and over-analyzing every single conversation, you probably have become confused as to whether your crush reciprocates your feelings or not. Even as an adult, a man will still go out of his way to pick on the woman he likes for silly things. He might do it because he thinks your reaction is cute or maybe he simply enjoys the back-and-forth playful banter.
Regardless, he is trying to get a reaction out of you because he has an interest in you. If a guy likes you, chances are high that he pays close attention to your overall appearance. Have you colored your hair recently? Have you been dressing differently? This means that he is paying special attention to how you look, which means that he is physically attracted to you. A man will get a little nervous around a lady he has the hots for.
Do you notice that he has sweaty palms? Guys do not get nervous around women they are not interested in.
Have you told your crush all about your favorite television shows and next thing you know he is watching the series on Netflix or Hulu and trying to discuss the show with you? If so, your crush is more than likely captivated by you.
If a man goes out of his way to learn about your interests and hobbies, he most likely has a keen interest in trying to find conversation starters so that he can engage with you more frequently. This is especially the case if he has never acted interested in your hobbies or interests before. If this is the case, then, you know that the guy likes you for real. If this is the case, your crush more than likely has the hots for you.
One that really cares about you and has strong feelings for you will typically feel intimidated by any other guy and see him as a real threat.During these challenging times, we guarantee we will work tirelessly to support you. We will continue to give you accurate and timely information throughout the crisis, and we will deliver on our mission — to help everyone in the world learn how to do anything — no matter what.
Thank you to our community and to all of our readers who are working to aid others in this time of crisis, and to all of those who are making personal sacrifices for the good of their communities. We will get through this together. Guys are confusing, to say the least. It's so hard to figure out if they like you, and it can drive you crazy not knowing the truth. While there are helpful clues in knowing if they like you, it all depends on the dude.
A lot of times when someone's nervous, they talk very fast and blurt things out that might be embarrassing. He may also mumble around you, while talking normally around other people. If you text or message hime online, take notice if he sends you a lot of emojis. To return the feeling, send him some smiley emojis back, which may give him the confidence to ask you out.
For more help, including how to calm him down if he gets too nervous, read on! Did this summary help you? Yes No. Log in Facebook Loading Google Loading Civic Loading No account yet?
Article Edit. Learn why people trust wikiHow. Co-authored by Joshua Pompey Updated: April 9, This article was co-authored by Joshua Pompey. Joshua Pompey is a Relationship Expert with over 10 years of helping people navigate the online dating world. There are 10 references cited in this article, which can be found at the bottom of the page. Explore this Article Observing His Behavior. Watching His Body Language. Listening to Him.Is he calling you?
Is he pursuing you? Blah, blah, blah Now, you might not agree with all of these five signs at first glance, but trust me, men do some strange things when they like a woman. Want deeper insight on what attracts an amazing, committed man? We want to be perfect for you! Our brains are actually like apartment complexes, with each separate brain function in a different unit.
This is actually one of the primary ways growth happens in relationships! You learn from one another and try things out because the other person wants to. That pretty much sums it up! BUT… if you have a handsome, sexy, successful dude who has a track record of being able to get a woman into bed easily, then just know that his strategy is often different when he actually really likes someone, as opposed to just wanting to sleep with them.
Look for consistency in his action. Is he moving the relationship forward? Is he opening up to you emotionally? This is another one that may seem counterintuitive, I know!
But guess what? Or a lot. So some of his friends from his bachelor days may be a little embarrassing for him, and he wants to keep you around without them saying or doing any anything dumb! The same goes for family, honestly. So pay attention to his vibe surrounding his peeps. Again, it comes down to progression. Is he progressing the emotional connection that he has with you? Is there consistency in how you guys are moving forward? Alright now this one takes a bit of explaining.
When I was dating, I would measure how successful my date was by how many times I could make the woman laugh and by how much fun we were having. Slow down! Have I like, been staring off into the nothingness? Just remember, beyond anything else, communicating openly and honestly with one another is always the most reliable, surefire way to know how you both feel. In this eBook, I cover 15 phrases that are guaranteed to ignite a deep and lasting desire in your man.
Mat is dedicated to increasing Love in the world one heart at a time.You meet a handsome and successful guy at the local bowling alley one Friday night and you can't figure out why he is acting so strange. You aren't sure but you have an idea that he might be nervous. Nervousness around a woman is one of the classic signs that a guy has a crush. Even if he's anxious, he could still end up being the right guy for you. Now your friends may all know how funny you are but a nervous man will laugh at everything you have to say Unexplained laughter is a sure sign of nervousness.
A nervous man will laugh sometimes when he doesn't realize he's doing so. He does this subconsciously to let you know he finds you interesting and that he enjoys being around you.
A nervous man is usually one who doesn't have a lot of confidence. When you are around the man, if you make eye contact with him and he looks away quickly, this is a sign that he is nervous or shy around you. Not being able to hold eye contact for a length of time is a sure sign he is not very confident in your presence and could be suffering from nervousness.
You notice little beads of sweat forming on his forehead Or maybe he goes to open the door for you and you notice that the door handle is wet from his sweaty palms. Perspiration is a sign that his heart is beating faster than normal, which is also a symptom of nervousness. But sorry, if you are hanging out playing a game of tennis, his sweat is due to physical activity.
7 Signs that a Guy Likes you for Real
You may think that the guy is a bit chattier than normal. He seems uncomfortable with silence and can't stop talking about himself. Most likely he is nervous that you won't like him and is desperate to impress you with his intellectual prowess or his many successes.
He may also be uncomfortable with silence, and to distract himself from nervousness, he decides to fill the void with his own voice. A writer sinceBrooke Turner has been published in the "Duluth News Tribune" and "Ashland Daily Press," as well as various advertising publications.When it comes to the body language of men, are you fluent or struggling with basic comprehension?
The body language of men is really not that complicated.
Ladies, men are not trying to be cryptic with their body language! Adam taught me that move! Want to learn how improve your body language around men? Join me on this FREE training to learn how to flirt with confidence. Guys are cryptic. He keeps touching his mouth. Women are more attuned to paying attention to body language. Allow me to teach you a few key cues that men are likely sending you without you being aware of what they mean.
If a man tilts his head when he meets you, it is very likely that he is attracted to you. People do it completely subconsciously. Chances are you do this when you meet guys that you like. Lean in when he talks, and make lots of eye contact. One of the biggest things that a lot of these guys would do is they would fidget. And it might have been a turn-off to you because you thought it showed a lack of confidence.
It takes guts. So give the guy just a little bit of room there to fidget, to be nervous.
7 Insane Ways Guys Change Their Behavior Around Women, According To Science
I should say, by the way, that I found that a lot of the guys who were nervous when meeting girls ended up being really good, genuine guys. So if you find yourself on a date or talking with a fidgeter, please give him a little bit of time to get to know you and feel more comfortable around you, and then you can get to know the real him.
He might just completely surprise you and, who knows, that might be the guy you end up with!
Reciprocate the touch sometime during the date. Put your flat palms on his upper chest or touch his neck. It means he cares about you. Hugs can even boost the immune system and calm the body see 2: fidgeting. We need 8 hugs a day for maintenance. We need 12 hugs a day for growth. But realize a hug is not a hug is not a hug. Embrace his back firmly and warmly.One summer night back in high school, one of my neighborhood friends invited his cousin to hang out with us.
His cousin was a model. I literally and I use that word the way it was meant to be used responded to several of her questions in Spanish that night. Not for any logical reason. Her mere presence simply overloaded the circuits in my brain. I've seen it happen time and time again. Then there are those whose brains simply stop working. The higher functions shut down and whatever comes out of their mouths makes less sense than a Jaden Smith tweet.
Fortunately, I've learned that my social incompetence is not entirely to blame. Numerous studies indicate that a woman's presence can change a dude's behavior in some pretty insane ways. In a studyresearchers had groups of men and women perform a Stroop test. That's the one where the name of a color appears on the screen in a font that's a different color. In this case, it would be red. After taking the test a first time to give the researchers a sense of their general cognitive functioning, the participants moved on to a separate task, in which they were asked to pronounce a series of Dutch words in front of a webcam.
They were told this was a lip-reading exercise. They couldn't see the person watching them via webcam there actually was no personbut they were given the person's name. Then they took another Stroop test. In other words, if a guy thinks a girl is watching him, he'll actually lose the ability to think quickly and clearly. Which explains, like, all of high school.Why Is This Guy Nervous Around You
They discovered that, in general, men who were hanging out with women ate 93 percent more pizza and 86 percent more salad than dudes who were eating by themselves or with other dudes. The evolutionary reason for this isn't clear yet, but speaking as a guy, my theory is that we're just far too nervous around girls, and need something to do that doesn't involve trying to sit still and look cool.
While the presence of a woman can make men do some weird things, we've also learned that the absence of a woman can be just as powerful. In fact, while we dudes often complain that having a girlfriend is a big expense, it looks like not having a girl around could be worse for our wallets. Some men read articles claiming that the female population in their area was larger than the male population, while other read articles indicating the opposite.
Next, the men were asked to plot out how much money they would save from a paycheck, and how much they would spend. Those who were primed to believe that there were fewer women in their area were more likely to spend money.
Real life reflects these findings. The town with a larger female population had lower average consumer debt. Theoretically, this may indicate that men become more competitive when fewer women are around, and want to flaunt their wealth and status. If the lack of women makes men more likely to empty their wallets, the presence of women can give us the urge to have money to spend in the first place.
The questions were designed to determine whether the person taking the test cared more about making money than achieving other forms of fulfillment. In findings that shocked absolutely no one, researchers learned that simply looking at a good-looking woman decreases guys' patience and willpower. Discounting the future essentially means choosing to receive a small sum of money tomorrow instead of a large one in the future.
The results of the study showed that men who looked at pictures of pretty women were more likely to choose the small sum of money. But men who looked at unattractive women primarily chose the larger sum. Women also generally chose the larger sum regardless of whether or not the men they looked at were attractive. If you're a guy, it turns out that how you feel about your current relationship has a lot to do with whether or not you just saw or spent time with a good-looking woman who is not your girlfriend.
Sometimes their partners were especially attractive; other times, they were average-looking. Next, the participants were asked to evaluate how they felt about their romantic relationships.